batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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