did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
