I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
