Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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