I think I died a long time ago.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
