The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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