i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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