Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
