I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
