I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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