why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
