he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
