I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize