So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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