hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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