They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
