Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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