I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
