Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
