you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
