don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize