Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just pee around me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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