wakey wakey hands off snakey
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
