I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
