he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
