i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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