just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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