I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
