I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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