I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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