this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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