Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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