I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize