Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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