Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
