I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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