i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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