Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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