i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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