When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
