I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
