I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
