this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
