my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
