ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
