so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
