How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
