Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
