It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
