you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
