There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
