Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
