He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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