I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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