I look better un-naked...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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