The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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