i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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