I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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