i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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