if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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