i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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