I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize