The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
