If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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