I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
