That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize