It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
