I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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