Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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