i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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