I must be too annoying 4 u.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
