i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
