I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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