totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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