My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
