We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
