Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
