I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
