remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
