Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
