im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
