Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
