Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it's like iHOP with fire
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
