dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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