very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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