hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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