there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
