watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
