i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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