Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize