Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize