Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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