the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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