I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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