there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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