So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
