My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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