I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
